What am I missing of IPL on TV

Cricket is back on the prime time slot, this time its good old international cricket. Between 2 countries. That gets you involved emotionally, feeling the tension, attaching every drop of feeling to the country you support (India of course).

Its quite different from 45 days of pathetic coverage of IPL on Sony Max.

There are no glimpses of Lalit Modi in suave attires rubbing shoulders and cheeks with Bollywood beauties(??).

There are no cliches of DLF Maximums, Time out from Mini Mobiles or heck no Citibank momemt of failures for anybody.

There are no city based loyalties anymore.

There is a national anthem played for every country. We see national flags being hoisted rather than club flags which do not involve us emotionally.

There are no tweets from Modi, Shashi Tharoor and of course Shilpa Shetty on the World T20 because they dont understand what international cricket is all about. May be if Sreesanth was playing Tharoor had displayed "Kerala Pride" in his tweets, which he so cheaply used in statements in Parliament while defending his bribery act.  He did not feel Kerala's pride was at stake when he got a female friend do the work and get him some money to get dollars to pay his staff (he feels Rs 14k are not good enough to pay his staff, so he volunteers).

There are no mad musical jings in between every over or no ads between balls.

There are no Bollywood folks in the dressing rooms, dugouts and TV shamelessly laughing and giggling all over for no reason.

In short the crapiness of IPL telecast has given way to more sobre and decent World T20 coverage, something we have watched all over years (we have watched international cricket with the game at center stage, not the croonies and jokers taking center stage).

Last but not the least Lalit Modi is clinging to his baby IPL on Twitter so much that he has turned to a quizmaster who does not get answers from anybody.  He poses trivia, does not find any takers and then answers themselves. He's following Tharror but Tharoor like a small kid has unfollowed Modi on Twitter.

Laugh out loud~!!!~~

Bollywood hosts a cricket awards function.

Shahrukh Khan and his gay friend hosting IPL awards function with some Bollywood croonies performing is another low in the cricket - Bollywood nexus. 

Have a look at this. Award category called "Dramatic Performance". Whats that supposed to mean ? Another Bollywood term coined in. And it went to Harbhajan Singh. For what ? Lifting Neeta Ambani or scoring 49 off 18 balls or for bullying Symonds ?

Cringing to see Bollywood hogging the limelight in cricket and I hate Modi for that.  Modi has got Indian cricket in a zombie state. Muck man that he is.

3 Idiots and Sri Lanka

Today Sri Lanka would beat Bangladesh and Sangakara would sing "All izzz well".

And when Jayasurya would retire after the axe, Murali would sing "Behti hawa sa tha wo, kaha gaya use dhoondo".

Sangakara's honeymoon as captain was all but over. It took him so long before he could garble on the pitch fiasco in Kotla.

Jayawardhena is being dropped or rested on the name of some injury he picked up in the ODI series.

He would be making up with his wife in the annals of the house singing another song from the 3 Idiots movie "Doobi Doobi ".

May be Sangakara needs to watch 3 Idiots and then say "All izzz bell". What if Ian Bell comes listening this ? Somebody called me ? Sangakara would be puzzled and then would resort to his carpet clinging adjectives to pacify Bell that it was Aamir Khan who called him.

Emosonal Atyachar

SL are on the brink of the  series defeat in India today and they would be disappointed that they had come here dreaming of a series win. Unfortunately that could not happen. Sanga and Maha, the 2 architects of all the pre series campaign have been quiet and reported to be fuming with each other.

Since they are playing the 3rd and final Test in Mumbai, the home of Bollywood, they slipped one day out of their hotel room in Dharavi or Naupada, Andheri to Mahboob Studios and then to RK Studio near Deonar Agar, Chemboor to catch up with the Bollywood film shooting.

Sanga and Maha reportedly went looking for Preity Zinta who could give them much needed hug, but she refused to meet them as it could anger Yuvraj and Sreesanth who being Indians reserve first right to Preity's hugs.

Mahela was fuming over Sanga over his captaincy and alleged fight between two in Kanpur inspired by Mulayam Singh Yadav's kushti akhadas. One day before Mumbai Test 1st day he composed a parody mixing three songs of movie Dev D.  He seems to have liked the movie so much so that when he lost his captaincy after defeat to India in ODI series, he wrote following lyrics.  He is probably looking for AR Rehman and Pritam to compose music for below lyrics :

Jiya jiya jiya dole

1 2 3 4 6

yeh dil pighlake bat bana lu

Us bat se BD ke against double hundred bana lu

smokin smokin nikale re dhua

sapne dekhe series victory ke

par wo mitti me mil jaye

what to tell u darling kya hua

haatho se kar do victory ko good bye

Chadh jaye hai allah jise minnows bashing bukhar

Tauba tera jalwa tauba tera pyar

Sanga-Mahela tera yeh emotional atyachar

Jao Jao re Indian victory ke builder (Sings to Viru, Dravid and Mahi)

Ho gayi dil ke paar tragedy tragedy

Murali gul sokh sokh ke murjhaye

Ajantha ki loot gayi bahar

Bol bol ke Zindagi

Why did you ditch me.

Jindagi bhi le le yaar

India se mooh chipa kaise jaau

Tauba tera jalwa tauba tera pyar

Samarweera ka  yeh emosional atyachar

Dilshan ke dill scoop ab chala chal

Man me more hook si oothi hai

Harbhajan ko shoulder arms karoo

Wari me jau sadke dhol yaara dhol

Mauj ki pinge jhoolu

De de mohe haar de de

BD ko peet ke aasman choo lo

Zimbabwe ka nathaniya laga ke jhoomu

Mahela Sanga saath saath ishaq me doobe re

Haar ke ishaq me dooobe re

Koyal jaisi hook uthi hai

O Baliyssa mere yaar re

Tohra sag tohra sang rang rangayi

Jeet ke sapne honge

Champagne ki mahfil hogi

Victory ka anchal odh lu me

To te sang baat ban jaye

India ko India me peet du

Dhol yaara Dhol

Man me hook uthi hai

Mumbai ke Taj ko ghatiya bolu

De de mohe jeet de de

Tore saath bolu

Test me hare to India ko gaali du

ODI me hare to weather ko excuse banau

Fir wapas wahi IPL khelne jau

Preity ke dimples me kho jau

Jaake jhappiya te pappiya pau

Te Bhangra Pau

Dhol yara dhol

Pukhta hai purjor hai

Kal mera bebaak tha

Aaj mera kamjor hai

Khud se hi aankhein na mil paye

Aanko ke aage manjar wapas na aaye

Fir is lamhe ki haqiqat dobara na kar paye

Jalta he dil jalta he dil

Reporter pare hat jaa re pare hat jaa re

Viru nazaro ke samne se hat jaa

Tere shot mere aankhon ke samne chalte rahte

aasoo mere bahate rehte khoon khoon ke

Aankho ka hai yeh dhoka

Aisa teri captaincy yaar

Tera emosanal atyachar

Sanga tera emosanal atyachar

Nayan tarse jeet na mile

Greatness bhi na mile

Ro ro ke bahe dhar

Man of the hour

Man of the hour :

Let me tell you who is not.

No Samarweera or Bug bear...

No Mendis who was huge last year this tem.

No Younis Khan or Boom Boom womanizer.

No Fab Four group member. No Indian either.

Its somebody unfamiliar. Somebody who won the Ashes yet wasnt given the credit. Who was disgraced by every blogger all over the world.

I bet my 10 cents on his team and his team is in the semi finals.

He is Andrew Strauss.

One day he recalls a loser when he was out.

Second day he denies a real hero a runner when he needed the most.

Graeme Smith is second. Angelo Matthews is first.

I would beat the heat out of Strauss for denying Smith a runner.

Smith is a real hero. Forgot his heroics in Sydney last innings ? Out with bat in a broken hand ? Time and again he has been the lone ranger in his team's wins and defeats.

So the man of the moment is Gream C Smith. Poorna wont like it. But she has to. Real heroes are liked by everybody.

And I noticed my blog isnt so popular in Sri Lanka. I have noticed in google that they say something about me in their local language.

What do i say ? Something which Dancing baby adores :

'Naan oru thadava sonna nooru thadava sonna mathiri" Sri Lanka s a boring team to watch and so is their cricket in the backyard where no body cheers on boundaries but just a boring band keeps playing....

Raj and Prabhu can decode wot i wrote in the quotes above. Rajanikanth dialouge which says If i say it once, its like saying it 100 times. Lol. That I think would be my punch line of the blog.

Btw, the man of the hour is Graeme Smith for his heroics yet again.

Salman's IPL team dress

Whichever team Salman Khan would buy in IPL he would ensure that the team plays all its bakes with no shirt on. Just the pajamas and the bare minimum inside.............

Sallu bhai's style is infectious you see.

A note to Rohit IPL Sharma

Mr Rohit Sharma,

A self righteous individual would take a call now and offer the captain to get himself dropped and fly out the first taxi or cruise back to Borivali(W), contact the local coach and get a few nets in Azad Maidan or even CCI club or for that matter any local Gymkhana in your own surroundings, get a few lads to bowl you underarm, hit a few sixes, smash some windows, get some hits from the fellow society dwellers and then prepare for a long grind in the domestic cricket and pray that in a year or 2, if you regain your never existing silken touch and your spot is still up for grabs by 2010, then you should come back or else we have decided to remove you out of our system.

Its tad unfortunate that you exist in the team even now after long haul of listless performances and its a test of our patience that we have to see your disgusting lovelorn face every time 1 or 3 wkts fall. Dude, the Fashion week is around the corner and then there are lots of hot chics in South Mumbai party circuit or if you cant afford them there are lots of dance bars too open even now in Mumbai suburbs. A lot of them in Dahisar, few minutes walk from your place. You would certainly find few there. After all a cricketer is even a hot property right now. You dont have hunger for runs, albeit other hunger(s) would get satisfied and by chance if you still make it to the Champs Trophy team (you never know DBV could plant you anywhere, even on moon's cricket team) at least you would look happy and I would be able to curse you openly seeing your face.

Right now you look remorse and sad, so i feel pity on you. Right now you look like a daily waged labourer who travels free of cost in Mumbai locals. Hell no, even he pays. What do you do? Do nothing and still grab those fat pay cheques. IPL, tour fee, ad contracts, fashion show invites and stuff. But did you know kid, all this lasts till the runs from your bat flow. If you dream of Rakhi Sawant when you bat, you are gonna get what Rakhi Sawant gets. Bhai, yeh jo IPL ka contract hai na, yeh bhi tab tak hai jub tak aapke paas runs hai. Runs nahi banaoge to ICL bhi nahi lega tumhe mere dost. Fir kisi bridge ke neeche khade hokar tum apne Mumbai Ranji mate ko nahi kah paoge "mere paas gadi hai bangla hai south mumbai flat hai tumhare paas kya hai". And he would reply "Rohit tum aur mai isi Borivali national park ke fly over ke neeche se chale the kisi cricket ground ki aur. Fir tum kaha pahuch gaye aur me kaha chal pada. Aaj tumhare pass yeh sab hai mere bhai, lekin mere paas INDIA CAP aur IPL CONTRACT hai". Tab kya karoge dost? yeah Mahesh Bhatt jaroor koi movie de dega tumhe.

Bhai hume maaf karo aur aapko dekhne ka jo hume majboori hai nee use door karo. Jao bhai kahi aur jao. Wo Kandivali kanda poha club me captain ki vacancy hai, waha kheloge ? Mast captain banke? Gimme a buzz if you want to.

Bahut gahra yaarana hai DK aur Veeru me.

I read on some of the regional newspaper that Dr Kalaingar called up Kris to think about DK 's place in Indian cricket. Kris was supposedly under pressure from all quarters and thats the reason why DK was drafted in the Delhi Daredevils team.

Viru and DK were team mates in DD, but back in 2007 DK had replaced Viru as opener in Tests (starting Capetown) going till Bangalore 2007. DK was test opener when Viru lost his chance to be the skipper of India, not just Delhi Daredevils. And as time's wheels (as they say samay ka pahiya in Hindi) rotated (ghuma), DK raja se rank ho gaya and Viru da sitara buland ho gaya. DK had an indifferent Pak series at home. Viru was out of the blues chosen for tour Down Under.

DK didnt play, Viru didnt play until Adelaide when Viru's soi hui kismat suddenly woke up and said I would be with you my boss. And ek woh din hai aur ek aaj ka din hai Viru ne peeche mood kar nahi dekha.

Luck had it, Viru got injured or yadi media ki maane to Viru faked injury and DK was back again in the team at the expense of Viru. Wo alag baat hai ki Bhai Sahab ka VISA nahi hua aur ICC hasnt approved the replacement request.

A bit of fun here. Pakistan, humare padosi, un logo ne Arafat ko allrounder kaha, use injured kara diya and then Spinach Bhai Razzaq ko team me le liya and gajab ki baat dekho bhai ICC ne approve bhi kar diya. Butt sahab ki to chal padi.

Q bhai bade hairaan pareshan ho gaye jab unhone Butt sahab ko kahte suna ki Arafat alrounder kaha. Unka statement bada gajab tha ki he (Arafat) hardly qualifies as bowler.

To 100 million dollars question yeh hai ki DK kaha khelenge ? Keeper banenge ya batsman ya opener ? Bowling to wo kar nahi sakte. Dance jaroor kar sakte hain. Reality show pe the wo kisi zamane me. When we dont have Sreesanth in the team, DK can very well entertain team India on Patti Rap or some of AR Rehman's super dancing songs :P. BTW AR Rehman had a concert in Pune last sunday and boy it was hit. I am a big fan of AR Rehman who hails from Tamil Nadu, haanji, wohi state jo Vindhya ki pahadiyo ke neeche hai. And I am also fan of Kalam saab, ex-president, who also hails from Tamil Nadu, the state of Amma and Karuna :)

Chaloji yeh to ho gai Veeru aur DK ki baat. Bahut gahra yaarana he dono main. Yadi Gabbar aaj jinda hota, to yeh jaroor kahta. "Naach DK naach." Like he said to Basanti in Sholay (hindi fillim hai jee, Amitabh and Dharam paaji acted along with Amjad Khan, naaji no dubbed version). Kahte hai Sholay jaisi movie naa bani hai aur naa kabhi banegi....

Koi na. DK bhai chale London aur Veeru bhai chale South Afrika. Shoulder surgery karayenge, bhel puri khayenge aur October me Champions Trophy me dhamaka karenge and Sri Lanka ki fir band bajayenge. Sorry ji, DK bhai sahab sirf T20 ke liye team me hai. One dayers me to Bhagwanji wapas aayenge, to Rohit bhai bhi bahar baithenge. Test matches me DK saab ko koi jagah nahi hai :)

Badi light hearted post hai ji yeh. Ab koi is par bhi gali galauj karne utar aaye to khuda khair kare aur gali bakne walo ko sadbuddhi de aur Rajni sir ki movie ka free ticket de.

Mondire IPL Bedi..

Guess who is she? Mondira Bedi, who said in 2003 that Bhajji is a leg spinner and Anil is a fast bowler. She is back with new look and she is going back to SA where she first emerged on cricket scene.

Who needs her ? Is she going to widen the audience base for cricket in India and world wide? At least rediff.com says so. Cudnt be more ridiculous statement than this. Who is going to watch her ? Her cheap flashy smile ? Before she emerged on the scene people in India used to watch cricket and she has got nothing to do with her sex appeal (whatever that means in cricketing context)....

And with Sony broadcasting more buffooons like her and Arbaaz Khan along with Karan Johar are expected to give their thumbs up to the IPL ceremony and telecast. That means in innings break, the 7 and half mins break and post match conf we wont hear about the match analysis but which cricketer was more sexy and whom wud take out on a "gay trip". Precisely this is what i wished didnt happen. But then this is consumer age and recession hasnt caught up wid Sony and Mody. Be ready for more Johar and Mondira Bedi moments in South Africa during 2009 IPL. The presence of this elements make IPL a tamasha and not the cricketing part of it which has sadly taken the back seat.

Aaan do bhai, aan do..Aur kachra patti aan do....(Welcome more dirt and dust in the IPL)....

IPL :.Would fashion writers have a ball ? Dont kill the game

IPL is back and back are this dumb faces who know nothing about the game and the rules and all they know is the glam quotient and the mannerisms. Ah give us a break. IPL is all about cricket and the players. Yes there is money and fun. Razmataazz is there, but dumb dolls not needed. Shilpa Shetty sitting with Warney, Ambani N with GOD and then Zinta babes with Yuvraj. Few Kollywood starlets (Laxmi Rai as magazines suggest with MS) with Chennai team :)

Who is more dumb ?

Preitz
Shilpa
Juhi
Neeta?

Fashion writers would have ball at the IPL venues. Gays too would have ball (gay writers who write for Fashion magazines). More than the performance with the bat and ball they would write who was more hot and who got more kisses (flying of course)and with whom you (girl) would like to go to bed with.....Ahh that would be crap!! Imagine Freddie in crickat gear appearing on same fashion magazine :) or MS and the ex favorite of girls -- mr Wall. Oodi baba.

Alright there is fun, money and auction. Bottomline is its CRICKET -- a game of bat and ball. Not the other balls. Let the game maintain its sanity amidst the intrusion of dirt and unwanted glitz elements.

Shoaib Malik Bowled Sayali Bhagat

You read the title right. Its a Shoaib but not Akhtar but Malik and not Anu. Its Malik -- Shoaib Malik. He has not hit a 100 or won Pak a game, but he has lost his heart to the Indian siren :

Malik said he is thinking about accepting the offer since his role in the film is of a cricketer and not hero.

"It is a meaty role and the offer they have made is very handsome, so I am giving it a serious thought. But, obviously, lot of things remain to be sorted before I sign the contract," Malik said.

Malik, however, dispelled the impression that because of his friendship with Sayali he is concentrating more on a career in Bollywood than cricket.

"Cricket is my bread and butter and passion. I am totally focused on cricket and want to taste more success," he said.

The film, to be directed by Wilson Louis, is a love story between a cricketer and a model, and will have both Malik and Sayali playing themselves. Media reports suggest that Malik and Sayali have been romantically linked for quite some time.

However, Malik made it clear that while he had been seeing Sayali for the last six months they are just good friends and not involved with each other romantically.

ICL Sawant'ed

So thats the commitment of ICL to benefit the "young cricketers" of India !!!. Rakhi Sawant to be the lead or head cheerleader for the ICL crap beginning Oct 10, 2008. Thats the last straw in the ICL's coffin. Its gone. Promotions and out of the box thoughts have gone nude.

All I can say is have a huge laughter when you see ICL games by chance during the epic Australia series. Grow up Mr Chandra!! Get some good ideas to counter IPL. Who wants funny wamps or skinny lasses (or dimwits) in "cricket" ?

One end we have Kapil Dev and Tony Greig in the ICL board and then we have Rakhi Sawant. Utter crap and childish!! Whats Rakhi Sawant going to do when a four or six is hit ? Pull down her "clothes" and scream with willy eyes which would put Murali to shame :)). Or is she gonna run down to the batsman hittin six and smooch him ? And then there would be a headline "Rakhi Sawant Showzz"